Wednesday, January 21, 2009

Etude 2-Futurist Pantoum

Using the when/if clauses and the conditional/future clauses that we wrote in class today, we are going to write a very long, futurist version of the traditional pantoum (Renata pointed out my error in the form's name).  The phrases you wrote are all collected in the first comment to this post.  

The first person to post a comment should do the following:
  1. First, click "Comments" below and then cut-and-paste the clauses into a new document.
  2. Now match each if-clause with a clause in future tense (will) or a when-clause with a clause in the conditional (would)
  3. Choose 11 of the best lines and post them as a comment to this post.
Everyone after should take the same 11 lines, but remix 
  1. the combination of if/when clauses with conditional/future clauses (yes, you may change the adverb and or the tense of the clauses)
  2. the order of the lines (make sure your order of lines is unlike any of the ones before yours)
If all goes well, we should have a poem with 11 sections of 11 lines each.

20 comments:

  1. Here is the list of if, when, will, and would clauses to choose from:

    When I have kids
    When I graduate
    When the revolution comes
    When this enlistment is up
    When I can’t sleep
    When I dream
    When the Lord comes down like fire
    When your father gets home
    What that egg hatches
    When the war stops
    When she becomes dictator for life
    When the room is empty
    When I kill a man
    When I succumb to boredom
    When sorrow overtakes happiness
    When the arrow pierces
    When the last molecule stops moving
    When we live on the moon in a temperature-controlled biodome
    When I get to Wyoming
    When marriages end
    When the party starts

    If I had a wedding
    If marriage were obsolete
    If I weren’t moving
    If I could see myself as someone else
    I my fiancé were an orphan
    If I were my cat
    If I were drunk
    If language were crumpled into a ball
    If the sky fell
    If you could afford it
    If you even cared
    If we could follow directions
    If this day were rewound
    If I make peace with my brother
    If I come to a pause
    If I were a crow
    If there were something other than carbon based life forms
    If he only looked at me
    If I could go back and fix it
    If Dick Cheney were a Bond villain
    If it were wrong to lie
    If my name were Kenneth





    dinosaurs will rise again
    we will be rid of capitalism
    all the clowns will die
    no one will remember Ben-Hur
    the fish will sing
    there will be dancing in the streets
    I will fly
    I will be alone
    I will reach Nirvana
    I will be complete
    I will eat a sandwich
    it will be one
    the critics will stop fellating Quentin Tarantino
    marijuana will be legal
    people won’t take themselves to seriously
    trash will be wholesome
    CEOs wouldn’t make so much
    you will have a hotter bod
    our children will get pregnant and tattooed
    I will pass judgment
    I will become that which no word has come before

    then knowledge would surpass imagination
    then gravity would break down
    then we would have a kick-ass rock band
    then you’d have to say goodbye
    then rocks would burst
    then she might vomit
    then the parallelism would crumble
    then everything would be forgotten
    then the women of Troy would sob and beat their breasts
    then we would quiver
    then the fractilization of the function would be incomplete
    then all would be darkness
    then you would fall silently
    then the handmaiden would go to hell in her own basket
    then I would start watching Fox News
    then we would hate each other
    then I would run and hide
    then there would be gnashing of teeth
    then I would feel grown up
    then the ostrich would kick you
    then you would not ask
    then all the windows would shatter into green and crimson

    ReplyDelete
  2. If language were crumpled into a ball, then knowledge would surpass imagination.
    When the room is empty, it will be one.
    When the arrow pierces, I will become that which no word has come before.
    If I could see myself as someone else, then the women of Troy would sob and beat their breasts.
    If the sky fell, then you would not ask.
    When the Lord comes down like fire, trash will be wholesome.
    If we could follow directions, then everything would be forgotten
    If this day were rewound, then all the windows would shatter into green and crimson.
    When sorrow overtakes happiness, I will pass judgement.
    If I come to a pause, then we would hate each other.
    If it were wrong to lie, then the fractalization of the function would be incomplete.


    I apologize if I did not pick your favorite line or two. These were the ones that stood out most to me.

    ReplyDelete
  3. If I could see myself as someone else, then the fractalization of the function would be incomplete.
    If I come to a pause, then everything would be forgotten
    When the room is empty, I will pass judgement.
    If this day were rewound, then we would hate each other.
    When the Lord comes down like fire, I will become that which no word has come before.
    If it were wrong to lie, then knowledge would surpass imagination.
    If we could follow directions, then you would not ask.
    If the sky fell, then all the windows would shatter into green and crimson.
    When sorrow overtakes happiness, it will be one.
    When the arrow pierces, trash will be wholesome.
    If language were crumpled into a ball, then the women of Troy would sob and beat their breasts.

    came out a little contrived. oh well.

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  4. When the arrow pierces, knowledge will surpass imagination.
    When I can see myself as someone else, I will pass judgement.
    If it were wrong to lie, then everything would be forgotten.
    If the sky fell, then the fractalization of the function would be incomplete.
    When the Lord comes down like fire, then all the windows will shatter into green and crimson.
    When the room is empty, then we will hate each other.
    If I came to a pause, then you would not ask.
    If we could follow directions, then the women of Troy would sob and beat their breasts.
    If this day were rewound, trash would be wholesome.
    When sorrow overtakes happiness, it will be one.
    If language were crumpled into a ball, I would become that which no word has come before.

    Good choices, Russ. My favorite line is "If the day were rewound, then all the windows would shatter into green and crimson."

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  5. If sorrow overtook happiness, trash would be wholesome
    When the sky falls, we will hate each other
    When the room is empty, I will pass judgment
    When the Lord comes down like fire, everything will be forgotten
    If I came to a pause, I would become that which no word has come before
    When it is wrong to lie, you will not ask
    If the arrow pierces, it will be one
    If this day were rewound, the women of Troy would sob and beat their breasts
    When I can see myself as someone else, knowledge will surpass imagination
    If we could follow directions, then the fractalization of the function would be incomplete
    When language is crumpled into a ball, all the windows will shatter into green and crimson

    Once again, rather contrived....

    ReplyDelete
  6. If it were wrong to lie, then we would hate each other.
    If I come to a pause, then the women of Troy would sob and beat their breasts.
    When the room is empty, then the fractalization of the function would be incomplete.
    If the sky fell, then knowledge would surpass imagination.
    When the arrow pierces, you would not ask.
    If I could see myself as someone else, then all the windows would shatter into green and crimson.
    When sorrow overtakes happiness, trash will be wholesome.
    If language were crumpled into a ball, it will be one.
    When the Lord comes down like fire, I will pass judgement.
    If this day were rewound, then everything would be forgotten.
    If we could follow directions, then all the windows would shatter into green and crimson.

    ReplyDelete
  7. I had a feeling this exercise wouldn't be as satisfying as it sounded at first. OH well.

    ReplyDelete
  8. If the arrow pierces, all the windows will shatter into green and crimson.
    If this day were rewound, trash would be wholesome.
    When the sky falls, knowledge will surpass imagination.
    When the room is empty, everything will be forgotten.
    When the Lord comes down like fire, I will pass judgment.
    If I came to a pause, the women of Troy would sob and beat their breasts.
    When it is wrong to lie, you will not ask.
    When I can see myself as someone else, we will hate each other.
    If we could follow directions, then the fractalization of the function would be incomplete
    When language is crumpled into a ball, I will become that which no word has come before.
    If sorrow overtook happiness, it would be one.

    Also, I got a little mixed up, I think. I reconstruced it in a rather haphazard manner.

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  9. strix, how can you agree? you havent done it yet!

    i thought it was awesome, but maybe thats because i got to make all the choices on which clauses to use.

    ReplyDelete
  10. i take back my comment on strix having not done it. we posted at the exact same time, my apologies.

    ReplyDelete
  11. If language were crumpled into a ball, then the fractalization of the function would be incomplete.
    When the room is empty, I will become that which no word has come before.
    If this day were rewound, then knowledge would surpass imagination.
    When the Lord comes down like fire, I will pass judgement.
    If it were wrong to lie, then you would not ask.
    If we could follow directions, then we would hate each other
    If the sky fell, then everything would be forgotten.
    When sorrow overtakes happiness, trash will be wholesome.
    If I come to a pause, then the women of Troy would sob and beat their breasts.
    If I could see myself as someone else, then all the windows would shatter into green and crimson.
    When the arrow pierces, it will be one.

    ReplyDelete
  12. I think it was better for me that someone else picked all the clauses...I was too overwhelmed by the options.

    ReplyDelete
  13. Russ:

    A few days ago I messed with all the original semi-clauses and put them together to my liking.
    Then I picked 11 of them.
    Then I didn't post (got distracted or something).
    Then I saw that I was too late, and had to redo my clauses from the conglomeration of others.
    So I did it again.
    Then I posted.

    In short: Don't assume things. And also, GTFO.

    ReplyDelete
  14. strix: did you enjoy it more when you got to pick the clauses yourself?

    ReplyDelete
  15. Yeah, Strix. Did you enjoy it more? You should post the alternate results any way.

    ReplyDelete
  16. When I can’t sleep I will fly.
    When I dream trash will be wholesome.
    If I weren’t moving, then the parallelism would crumble.
    If the sky fell, then I would feel grown up.
    If you even cared, then you would fall silently.
    If we could follow directions, then the handmaiden would go to hell in her own basket.
    If I were a crow then everything would be forgotten.
    If I could go back and fix it, then you’d have to say goodbye.
    If it were wrong to lie, then rocks would burst.
    When the arrow pierces the fish will sing.
    When the party starts all the clowns will die.

    Din't have much of a preference. Picking the lines myself did make me more involved in the process though.

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  17. If we could follow directions, trash would be wholesome
    If sorrow overtook happiness, knowledge would surpass imagination
    When the sky falls, the women of Troy will sob and beat their breasts
    When I can see myself as someone else, I will pass judgment
    If this day were rewound, all the windows would shatter into green and crimson
    When the room is empty, we will hate each other
    If I came to a pause, then the fractalization of the function would be incomplete
    When it is wrong to lie, I will become that which no word has become before
    If the arrow pierces, it will be one
    When language is crumpled into a ball, everything will be forgotten
    When the Lord comes down like fire, you will not ask


    This is an odd creature, this poem. Also I have been trying to post for two days and the network has crashed on me EVERY TIME. So I refuse to keep changing everything to those that came after me.

    ReplyDelete
  18. If imagination surpass would knowledge then a ball into crumpled were language if one be will it when empty room the before come has word no which that become will I pierces the arrow when breasts their beat and sob would Troy of women the then else someone as myself see could I if ask not would you then fell sky the if wholesome be will trash fire like down comes Lord the when crimson and green into shatter would windows the all then, rewound were day this if forgotten be would everything then judgment pass will I happiness overtakes sorrow when Other each hate would we then pause a to come I if incomplete be would function the of fractalization the then lie to wrong were it.

    ReplyDelete