Night now is never black only gray or maybe purple indefinably. Doves congregate elsewhere and leave us the pigeons. Unfaltering electrical dusk conquers stars and hovers. At home they won’t wear socks to save themselves. Where I am is somewhere else, all knee-high knitted things and permanent cold winters lightless and lasting five months. Candles that softened the blow blown out before bed for safety under defenseless covers. I was frozen. Oh! not by the snow and rain by a constant delirium a nakedness of self an unsureness a discomfort a terror. A convincing inner social advertisement for letting land lock us for belonging and a familiar social milieu. I was wrong. Nothing is sure in life but death and taxes let me ask you mister: do you prefer death? Then consider this: would you give us back your poor?
Saturday, February 28, 2009
a portfolio poem?? maybe?
i don't know. here's my deal: i have to do the class portfolio, but i am also likely doing a chapbook or portfolio-type thing for my belated senior project (why didn't anyone tell me i was supposed to do it last semester??). anyhow: my two ideas are, because everything else i've been writing has been quite disparate, (1) a series of poems about our class and the people in it for the class portfolio. not sure the exact shape it would take but i think i could do this. (2) a series of poems involving my experience in norway and readjusting to USA. and the following is a draft of one of them:
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ballsack. i just wrote a long comment and then accidentally clicked the back button on my mouse. so here is a shorter rewrite
ReplyDeleteim diggin the poem. solid stuff dude. i like the mix of narrative and descriptors. also the comparisons are excellent and pretty subtle. my one suggestion is to try to mix the narrative with the rest of the poem more. for instance, the line, "where i am is somewhere else" is excellent in its place in the poem. it works really well with the lines that surround it and helps to produce a jarring effect. if thats not what youre going for though, dont listen to me at all. i feel like the end part of your poem has a lot of narrative that i would want to see mixed in more with the rest of your poem. thats just me though.
solid stuff, im definitely liking it so far. keep the project up.
thx russ. i will take yr suggestions into consideration. :)
ReplyDeleteGET IT GRL
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